Free NHL Video Pick: Toronto Maple Leafs V. Buffalo Sabres

The Toronto Maple Leafs visit the surging Sabres, looking to knock off Buffalo for the first time in the New Year. The Sabres are coming off a huge 3-goal comeback just two nights ago as they look to nail down a playoff spot. Check out who Captain Canuck thinks will win.

E. Zack Lee

Toronto Maple Leafs Schedule

Given the state of the Toronto Maple Leaf’s play as of late the team brain trust felt that they should go after teams that they might actaully have a chance at beating. The NHL Board of Governors got together and under a special founder’s rule, allowed the Leafs to re-schedule.

Toronto Maple Leafs Revised 2008 Schedule

January
15 vs. Bloomington Jr. High School Girls
22 vs. Cub Scout Troop #101
29 vs. CNIB Senior Team

February
5 vs. Spanish-American War Vets
12 vs. Crippled Children’s Hospital
19 vs. St. Cloud Home for Wayward Girls
26 vs. Girl Scout Troop #69

March
5 vs. Ontario VD Clinic Post #3
12 vs. Church Street Boy’s Choir
19 vs. Korean War Amputees
26 vs. VA Hospital Polio Patients

Special Monday Night Game:
March 3 vs. Utopia Gay Boys

Name Change:
The Toronto Maple Leafs will be changed to the Toronto Tampons’ as they are only good for one period, and they don’t have a second string.

Coaching Change:
Paul Maurice will be replaced by Pamela Anderson. No doubt she will blow a few, but she won’t choke up on the BIG ONE.

Rule Changes:
1. When playing the Girl Scouts, the Leafs must not eat their cookies.

2. The Leafs will be allowed to substitute with band members at any time during the game.

3. When playing the Polio Patients, the Leafs must not disconnect any of the leg braces.

4. There will be no more dancing with opposing teams, like the last time they played the Utopia Gay Boys.

5. The Leafs MUST PROMISE to remember that when the referee drops the puck, this signals the beginning of play. This is to ensure that no more time will be wasted while the Leafs try to figure out what just happened.

6. The Leafs must also stop tangling the crippled children in the net mesh.

‘GOLF LEAFS GOLF’

And while on the topic of the Leafs….

What does Toronto have that Montreal doesn’t?
Black and white photographs of their last Stanley Cup.

What do the Leafs and The Titanic have in common?
They both look good until they hit the ice.

Why don’t the Maple Leafs drink tea?
Because the Canadiens have all the cups.

What’s the difference between the Leafs and a cigarette machine?
The cigarette machine has PLAYERS.

E. Zack Lee